SYSTEMS ENCOURAGES DOMESTIC VIOLENCES

First and foremost, let me express sadness and disappointment as a result of this news (Mr. Namegabe Kelekele Mushegero killing his wife with a hammer). I am saying disappointed and feeling sad because as a community member, I knew this family, especially the kids with whom I played soccer a while ago. It never occurred to me (Five years ago ) that he (Mr. Mushegero) was capable of something so disgusting, deplorable and unbelievable. But I guess we can’t go wrong with the saying; we cannot judge the book by its cover. As I heard the news yesterday, I felt let down and shamed (Both as a human being and as a community member) by someone who was once revered to be a loyal servant of God, a person who seemed to care about his family and their well-being. Oh well, changes happen don’t they? We may never know exactly what led the violence to such a point of no return, but we know an innocent woman has lost her life as a result and her children are now left in the unknown. In addition, not only are her children left to wonder what their future will look like, many are those who relied on this woman for help in different ways. She watched over other people’s kids for absolutely nothing! She was that good a person who did not deserve such an evil act. Yet again, if more is to be understood about this family and maybe speculate why what happened, happened, one has to look from the community lenses, because so many are secrets buried within the core of such horrible acts. 

From a community (African) centered on a patriarchic (In this case total male dominance) family system, comes ongoing abuses of all kinds (Verbal, Physical, Psychological, Emotional, so on and so forth). Unfortunately in Ms. Nabintu’s case, her life was not spared. Using these lenses, one can understand Mr. Mushegero’s actions. However, this is not to give him any reason for what he has done, because there can never and should never be any excuse for anyone putting hands on somebody else body (Whether wife or husband), let alone taking their lives! Only God who gives life should be the one deciding when and how he takes it back. And as once a religious person, I know Mr. Mushegero was well aware of this. Anyhow, I believe what happened yesterday was just a tip of the Iceberg. There seems to be so much happening within many houses’ walls that we do not know about, as far as domestic violence is concerned. One because these poor, innocent women do not know where to go for help when they need it, and even where help should supposedly be, is not always there for some reason. Secondly, the community (African) is so secretive that anyone wanting to “Go public” with “Internal” issues facing a particular family, they get literally crucified and/or rejected by the entire community, with no one asking any questions and/or wanting to know more about the situation. Hence the reluctance to come forward and seek help when it is needed most, because most victims are afraid to be abandoned and their lives being rendered miserable. They are afraid about the “Outcast” status, especially when they rely so much on the community for support. What’s even surprising is the fact that when an abuse has taken place and a woman (Mostly) threatens to leave, other women in the community who should support her, almost always turn their backs on her. And usually, she is labeled a “Living infection” that no one should approach. Using such a label forces her to stay and gives the abuser reasons to abuse even more, as she is turned from a subject into an object. But what’s worse is the fact that even if she chooses to stay, she still is viewed as a “Bad influence” to other women. And to make sure such “Influences” don’t happen, she is isolated more from a community created to supposedly support her in times of needs. 

However, having said so, it saddens me hearing comments from people responding to the incident with racially charged sarcastic tone. While KATU News, as well as News Channel 8 decided to delete some negative racial comments, which I concluded may have been in the same lines as this one: “Hey, that guy looks like the GEICO Caveman. Whacking somebody with a hammer, so easy a caveman can do it.” I still feel that there should be some responsibility on the part of the media to make sure people’s privacies are respected. Some of these people have gone through a lot and the last thing they need is a bunch of negative comments at a time of such sadness. Not surprising enough, a letter of response I sent to them was not published.